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You know those lotion companies that try to sell lotion to women by telling them that all bodies are beautiful? Then you have rent, utilities, car maintenance, car insurance, food, house or renters insurance, house maintenance, if you own your own home, and other miscellaneous not mentioned. Though guys who pride themselves on being really good at oral sex wig me—and everybody else—out. I recently read a study that attempted to determine the average length of the erect penis by examining upwards of 15, men. Call me next time, science. Thank your dick for all hours of free entertainment it provides. Or, for the true worriers out there:

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A Woman's Real Take On Average Penis Size

Think of me, with my crippling case of penis envy. Wrest the physical standards you have for your body from other people and the advertising industry. So love your veiny or hairy or purplish friend-penis. Which leads us to Answer Two: The biggest, handsomest dick in the world is never going to make anybody love the guy who owns it—himself included. Where was I for this? And if you need monthly medications, there are copays you need to pay.

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  1. I am turned on by her, especially her puckered anus. It must be exciting the fuck her rectum